Reasons
by Caerylin
Summary: Hammie is talking to us... Jake & hammie had a fight =)


Title: Reasons

Title: Reasons

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: If I owned anything to do with Young Americans we'd be watching new episodes, not hoping for re-runs

Credits: To Fran and Chelly for being so kind with my other fics (& everyone else I cant think of at 3am in the morning… sorry!) to Del for beinga Finn-atic andto John Farnham for the lyrics of Reasons. He's so gorgeous…(hope the lyrics are right… )

Summary: Hammie's talking to us. Things were getting a bit much for him. It'll make sense =) it was just this feeling I remembered having when I was with a guy… 

I've been watching Jake for hours. She's walking around inside and she looks like the walls are almost suffocating her. I don't blame her. Hell, that's why I'm sitting outside, but somehow even here I'm feeling suffocated.

We had the argument a week ago today and we haven't spoken since. Rawley is buzzing because they think we've broken up. Who gives a fuck what they think right? Easy, I do. I wish I didn't, but I wish a lot of things. It's not like it used to be.

/Some people are dreamers / they live for the future / as if it would work out / just as they dreamed it would work out / 

_ _

I was such a prick to her. I could see it in her eyes when I broke her heart. "I don't love you anymore" I can still see the look on her face, the tears in her eyes and the hurt that coursed through her body. Hell, I feel it in myself now. I'm so stuck in the past that there is no future. I turn to look back at the party and catch her glancing over at me. If only she gave me a reason…

/others getting caught / in yesterday's paper / too busy reading to get on / with living their lives / I live for now /

_ _

I catch her eye again and for a moment the sparkle comes back in her eyes and she smiles at me as if everything that happened was just a terrible dream and now, together we can make it all go away. But then her smile fades and tears form in her eyes. I watch her run up the stairs to Bella's bedroom, with Bella closely following. She throws me a dirty look. I catch the meaning. I never meant to do this to Jake. I love her! I just… I had to make it stop.

/Sometimes it's easy / to make up excuses / on the flimsiest pretence / and then call them reasons / but where are they now? /

_ _

I feel terrible as I try to drown my sorrows with another cup of spiked fruit punch I just want to run to her and bring that smile back. All that's separating us is a glass door and some stairs but I can't move. I told her I had reasons that I'd made up my mind that I wanted to turn the pressure down. I just wanted it to stop hurting when I was around her. I couldn't stand wanting her that much. She didn't understand, so I told her the only thing I could. I knew she'd understand what I meant when I said 'I don't love you anymore' problem is that I'm hurting the one person I truly DO love. And all because I want a stupid reason for why it hurts so much to be so much in love with her.

/ Oh I've climbed more than a mountain / swam more than an ocean / build up the night / live for a lifetime / 

_ _

I can see her coming back down the stairs. Her eyes are red from crying and she looks so small and fragile now, as if a feather would smash her to pieces if it touched her. She's playing with the necklace she's wearing. I remember it; I gave it to her for her birthday. She shakes her head to try and compose herself. I see Scout come up to talk to her but she brushes him off. Her eyes meet mine and she opens the glass door and walks outside. Now all that separates us is air. My eyes are begging her to understand.

/ Just give me a reason / and I'll come running / when I have reason / I know the way / I'm pointing my feet / in the right direction / give me a reason / give me a reason / 

_ _

She walks closer to me.

"Hi" I hear myself mutter. She throws me a fake smile and stands there fiddling with anything she can. "I Lied" The words passed my lips before I knew they had. Her head shot up and she gave me a questioning glance. I couldn't stand seeing the hurt in her eyes all the time. I take her hand and put it over my heart. My eyes close briefly at the feeling of having her touch again. When I open my eyes I realize we're both crying. She reaches up to wipe more tears away and I try to explain, "It hurts so much." She throws me a smile and says "Yeah, I know" and I realize I don't need a reason because she feels it too.


End file.
